Jeremy Thode: Quality coaches help all athletes reach their potential

Screen Shot 2016-08-28 at 10.44.15 PMBy Jeremy Thode

Being a former high school and college athlete gave me a lens about athletics that was very narrow. I played many different sports over the course of my lifetime. I was a late bloomer athletically and, although athletic, I owe much of my success to hard work, perseverance and dedication. I was never the best athlete in the group but I was rarely, if ever, outworked. I enjoyed the competition, testing myself, and climbing the mountain looking for success. The reality is I wanted to win and be successful.

Once I became a physical education teacher and coach and ultimately an athletic director, my lens on athletics changed. I learned that many times coaches coach based on a foundation of who coached them. That could be good or bad. I learned that you often hear coaches, athletic directors and even parents say that sports teach children teamwork, commitment, hard work, dedication, and sportsmanship. I learned that is not true. You only learn those things if you are taught them by the coach and sometimes a coach has to change their learned behaviors to do what is best for the child in order to teach the correct values in sport.

Athletes need to be invested in. Quality coaches need to take the time to get to know each player, understand their perspective in life and concerning athletics, find what motivates each athlete and design interactions, experiences and scenarios to help each child reach their individual potential. It is not an easy thing to balance, while trying to teach the game, and find success but interscholastic athletics is the most important opportunity to give each athlete at least one moment, and preferably many, that they can be proud of and grow from. Just think what impact that can have on a lifetime! Athletics should be a breeding ground for confidence and self esteem building. Even the least talented player on a team can be proud of what they did, how they improved, what they learned, or just how they stuck it out. Coaching is the opportunity to give something meaningful to each athlete. I know many times I relied and still rely on my athletic experiences given to me through quality caring coaches in my professional, personal and family life. Working as a team, being committed, working hard, dedicating myself and showing sportsmanship/positive behavior have been cornerstones of various successes in my adult and family life. I have also failed and learned how to respond to failure through athletic experiences.

Parents also have to focus on what is best for the child. We are in a society that is fast paced and result oriented. Many parents are investing thousands of dollars for camps, clinics, trainers, travel, accommodations, fees, and equipment. It is wonderful when any parents goes above and beyond to support a child and their child’s interests. Sometimes with that investment, comes stress and expectation. Athletes are stressed with commitment, the investment, pleasing their parents, and keeping up with other athletes. As a parent, I learned early on about putting pressure on my own children as their coach. I had good intentions and wanted them to experience success and the natural high I received during athletics. I realized that my children are not me. I cannot replicate for them where I came from and why I think, feel, and acted the way I did. What I learned was that I want my children to be passionate about something, ANYTHING. Athletics, academics, art, music, reading… it doesn’t matter. I want my children to invest in themselves. I want them to find ways to feel great about themselves and have THEIR OWN success in something THEY want to pursue or become. So my message now to my children is that I still want them to be involved in sport regardless. I believe it is great opportunity to challenge them, have social interactions, compete, and exercise. If any of them experience athletic success, it’s a bonus but only if THEY do the work. I keep reminding them that if they want better grades, or to sound better on an instrument, or more playing time, they need to practice. If they have a good social interaction or experience with a coach we talk about it and tuck it away for future success. If they have a negative social interaction or experience with a coach we talk about it and discuss how to grow from it. Sometimes the bad experiences, regardless of what they are, are the best ones to create resilience for a child.

The X factor in it all, is communication. Coaches need to communicate. Talking to athletes and parents is a powerful opportunity to make a positive difference, to create a legacy. I teach a class for coaches and one of the exercises we do is to raise their hand if they can remember the names of the top three teachers or coaches they had, then raise their hands if they can name the bottom three, and then again if they can name all the others. Everyone remembers the best and the worst. Most can’t remember the others. As a coach, who do you want to be? What legacy do you want?

As a parent, communicating with and learning who your children are is critical. Listening to them and exposing them are crucial. Give your child unconditional support and encouragement, stay away from expectation and pressure. Your child’s performance on the court, field, mat, or in the pool is not a direct reflection of them or YOU. It’s a game and hopefully their success or failure is only a valuable experience for them to grow into strong resilient and healthy adults. I believe we should always try our best, go for the gold, and try to win. No matter what the passion, we need to practice to improve. Preparing to win (or succeed) is more valuable then if we win.

Jeremy Thode is Associate HS Principal/Director of Health, Physical Education, Business, Fine & Applied Arts, & Athletics at Center Moriches.